Changes.

I've been wanting to write another post here for a little while. I haven't been doing much interesting work I can post of, except for re-arranging the room, and consequently, the altars. My big burrow's surface is inching its way towards becoming a multi-deity altar, and aside from the main altar, there's another one for Loki and Hel. That one used to be the one holding sea items, which has also moved onto the burrow and blended in with the rest of it. Now it holds artwork of Loki and Hel, two candles, a vintage brass incense burner from India and a small blue glass oil lamp, as well as a long offering plate.

Since the main altar is for witchcraft and other workings, it was hard for me to keep a big offering plate on it, seeing as those things aren't easily movable and I would like to keep an offering in place until it's "done" and not have to move it around each time I want or need to work.

It was also quite curious that just a few days ago, I felt the want for deity representation in some form, and wished I could put some artwork of Loki and Hel in the room, but I had no picture frames. Not two days later, a friend of my mother brings not only seven picture frames, but also the aforementioned incense holder. I'm thinking someone may have messed around for that to happen. Coincidence is not something I'm easy to believe in, even if not everything is necessarily a fruit of divine intervention.

I have also been reflecting on my past relationship with Athena, the closest deity I had to a 'patron' or 'matron' before Loki gladly tore me from my previous thoughts and entered my life in grand scale. We had some sort of bond, as She often helped me when in need, and also had a very interesting part in my transition. The Greek pantheon was like home for me, since it was the one I was most familiar with, but when I was sucked into the tug-of-war between my comfort and Loki's calling, She was there for me. No, Athena didn't try to hold me back, nor did She hold me in her arms and comfort me as to my torn feelings. She shoved me forth to Him and seemed glad for me to have finally found my way.

Now if you know any of Her followers, you might know She can be rather possessive over them, so with Her acceptance of my leaving it makes me confident, and happy that I wasn't a disappointment to Her. When with Her, I did my best as a follower and learned what I could about Her, and now I hold deep respect and can only be thankful for the guidance She provided me with.

In a way, I feel She prepared me for Loki and the other Gods I now work with, particularly in terms of discipline and self-control. And connection to deities after the shift (though more particularly to Loki than others) has become much easier than it was with Her or any other of the Greek deities I worked with before. I assume that those you're chosen to work with will have a clearer way of showing themselves, even if that is still not too clear. Those with direct contact to deity are truly blessed.

I sometimes envy those who can talk directly to Loki, and have a clearer connection with Him, but I also think such abilities can be very taxing. Now, I have no experience with it myself, I'm just wondering how those who are so open to deities and spirits in their communication can deal with it when there's too much influx. Sarah Lawless has posted quite a few times about how difficult it can get when there are too many spirits at one time. Is deity connection the same way at times?

I also enjoy the level of communication I have with Loki, and with more work I may deepen it. But time will tell, as it always does. This post turned into one big ramble about what I've been thinking about in the past week, and what I'm thinking of now. I've also been asking myself if He will like those special oatmeal chocolate chip cookies I made, since it's my grandmother's special family recipe.

But in the middle of the rambling there is a lesson, I suppose. Not only 'spirit work is hard and scary', at that. But when you're torn between two deities or pantheons and have to choose (I will get into this part when it's no longer 6:27am after a long, emotionally stressful day), try to separate Their wishes from your fears, and give that some serious deep thought. I found that what was clinging to Athena wasn't Her holding me back as I wanted to think it was, I was just too afraid of change to let go of Her myself.

And now I will retire and sleep before I start up once more.