"Santo do pau oco."

Let us talk about slightly different things this time, yes? "Santo do pau oco" is an expression used in Brazil to refer to someone who is fake, literally translated as "hollow-wood saint". There are many legends about the origin of this expression, one of them being that images of christian saints were hollow, and so the mine workers would hide gold inside them to keep it away from the government fiscalization.

Another version, much more popular around my area, is that the slaves would also make the saints hollow, and then hide an image or representation of their own deities inside the statue. Like that, when they were forced to pray to the christian saints, they would continue following their religion in secret. There is some, but little, proof of both those legends, and some say that the slaves found to hide other statues inside the saints were brutally punished for it.

This makes me wonder how important their deities were then, and how they are now. We have many afro-brazilian religions derived from a mix of the native african beliefs with christianity. Now, when I say 'native african' I do generalize because Africa is a very big continent with numerous countries and an incredible diversity in its people and beliefs of each region. Here, it's rare to see beliefs preserved from one specific area, even more so since the slaves used to be mixed from different tribes and entirely different regions to avoid organization and familiarity, which could make them more confident to go against their masters.

If the second of the theories for the "santo do pau oco" expression is true, did it have an important role in preserving their original beliefs and finally molding them into the many afro-brazilian religions we have? And even if it wasn't as told, it could be that the slaves would notice similarities between their deities and these saints and associate them, as many neopagans do today. While I'm not a great fan of linking the Gods and Goddesses together and making them to be 'one', I do understand they share similarities, some more so than others, and in a situation like slavery and forced conversion this link between them can be important.

I haven't studied much on these religions we have, though I have friends who are followers of them, and they interest me deeply. Perhaps it's the fact I love learning about religions of all kind. While my heart doesn't always lie here in Brazil, I am curious about these lands and how much they have to offer in history, and I do love them. Sometimes I feel like I can never find a one stable home, because I'm not a brazilian woman. But I'm not american, I'm not arab, I'm not european. At the same time, I'm all of those. Usually, if you're a complete mix of ethnicities, you're simply a brazilian and nothing else, because that's what most of our people are.

Then again, maybe my detachment has to do with my Gods not being from this hemisphere, or perhaps the fact I was raised in an american house. My mother and I speak english to each other at all times, she raised me as her mother raised her (my grandparents came to Brazil after WWII), and I was 'forced' to learn portuguese simply for survival, since I didn't know almost any of it before I went into school. Even now, all these years later, I feel so out of place in this country. But if I go somewhere else, that won't change.

So I want to learn as much as I can about our own diversity, too, and the history of these lands. Sitting around solving problems from overseas won't help if I don't look at the problems from my own land, and there are many things to be fixed here. 

Changes.

I've been wanting to write another post here for a little while. I haven't been doing much interesting work I can post of, except for re-arranging the room, and consequently, the altars. My big burrow's surface is inching its way towards becoming a multi-deity altar, and aside from the main altar, there's another one for Loki and Hel. That one used to be the one holding sea items, which has also moved onto the burrow and blended in with the rest of it. Now it holds artwork of Loki and Hel, two candles, a vintage brass incense burner from India and a small blue glass oil lamp, as well as a long offering plate.

Since the main altar is for witchcraft and other workings, it was hard for me to keep a big offering plate on it, seeing as those things aren't easily movable and I would like to keep an offering in place until it's "done" and not have to move it around each time I want or need to work.

It was also quite curious that just a few days ago, I felt the want for deity representation in some form, and wished I could put some artwork of Loki and Hel in the room, but I had no picture frames. Not two days later, a friend of my mother brings not only seven picture frames, but also the aforementioned incense holder. I'm thinking someone may have messed around for that to happen. Coincidence is not something I'm easy to believe in, even if not everything is necessarily a fruit of divine intervention.

I have also been reflecting on my past relationship with Athena, the closest deity I had to a 'patron' or 'matron' before Loki gladly tore me from my previous thoughts and entered my life in grand scale. We had some sort of bond, as She often helped me when in need, and also had a very interesting part in my transition. The Greek pantheon was like home for me, since it was the one I was most familiar with, but when I was sucked into the tug-of-war between my comfort and Loki's calling, She was there for me. No, Athena didn't try to hold me back, nor did She hold me in her arms and comfort me as to my torn feelings. She shoved me forth to Him and seemed glad for me to have finally found my way.

Now if you know any of Her followers, you might know She can be rather possessive over them, so with Her acceptance of my leaving it makes me confident, and happy that I wasn't a disappointment to Her. When with Her, I did my best as a follower and learned what I could about Her, and now I hold deep respect and can only be thankful for the guidance She provided me with.

In a way, I feel She prepared me for Loki and the other Gods I now work with, particularly in terms of discipline and self-control. And connection to deities after the shift (though more particularly to Loki than others) has become much easier than it was with Her or any other of the Greek deities I worked with before. I assume that those you're chosen to work with will have a clearer way of showing themselves, even if that is still not too clear. Those with direct contact to deity are truly blessed.

I sometimes envy those who can talk directly to Loki, and have a clearer connection with Him, but I also think such abilities can be very taxing. Now, I have no experience with it myself, I'm just wondering how those who are so open to deities and spirits in their communication can deal with it when there's too much influx. Sarah Lawless has posted quite a few times about how difficult it can get when there are too many spirits at one time. Is deity connection the same way at times?

I also enjoy the level of communication I have with Loki, and with more work I may deepen it. But time will tell, as it always does. This post turned into one big ramble about what I've been thinking about in the past week, and what I'm thinking of now. I've also been asking myself if He will like those special oatmeal chocolate chip cookies I made, since it's my grandmother's special family recipe.

But in the middle of the rambling there is a lesson, I suppose. Not only 'spirit work is hard and scary', at that. But when you're torn between two deities or pantheons and have to choose (I will get into this part when it's no longer 6:27am after a long, emotionally stressful day), try to separate Their wishes from your fears, and give that some serious deep thought. I found that what was clinging to Athena wasn't Her holding me back as I wanted to think it was, I was just too afraid of change to let go of Her myself.

And now I will retire and sleep before I start up once more.

A post in thanks.

It had been two days since one of my cats, the one closest to me, had disappeared. He was hurt after getting into a fight with another cat not long before, so I couldn't help but worry that something happened and he might be wounded again or worse. This cat, Tommy, follows me around almost as a dog would, and he rarely stays away for long. I had a bad feeling that I can't quite describe, and I felt a pulling to ask Freya to protect him.

I rarely work with any of the Aesir or Vanir Gods, since my experience until now is mostly with Loki, Hel and Sigyn, but I decided to leave Her an offering. I picked the most beautiful pink roses of my garden and tied them with light beige ribbon, and put a cup of milk on the altar next to those. I also got my amber necklace out of the jewelry box and wore it until he returned.

A few hours after the offering was done I heard a familiar meowing sound coming from the door, and there he was. A little scratched and with a hole in his ear, caused by the bite of another cat, but alive and not too hurt. I treated his wounds and let him sleep inside. I thanked Freya for bringing him back to me safely, and now I feel I should try working with Her more often. Hopefully I can get to know Her more and learn of what offerings She likes.

Cooking with Loki.

Cooking and baking are things I love to do, and more than once I have incorporated some aspect of my craft into it. Well, this time I was supposed to bake cupcakes as an offering to Loki. Staring good, we have all the ingredients and mix them together properly. While I tend to be a messy baker, our dearest Loki decided to join me as I made the sweets for Him, turning the kitchen into a total chaos. I still haven't finished rubbing the cocoa powder from the floor as it's so fine it ends up sticking.

After getting cake dough everywhere, spilling eggs and milk, and having a small disaster with the cocoa, I finally finished mixing all the ingredients to a perfect texture. And there are no cupcake pans. Now on a normal day I can go down to the market not far from my house and get some, but today is Worker's Day, and nobody works - not even the market. Which means the cake must be a cake.

That brings us to oven malfunction and almost burning said cake. Thankfully I was able to save it, and Loki already got His own part on His offering plate at the altar. Now I need more cupcake pans and I should probably fireproof my kitchen just in case He decides to show up again during food preparation, seeing as I have set fire to more than enough things on my own.

The result is that the cake is enjoyed, though it could be better and I must get a new recipe. He seems to like the fact I added some coffee in it, too.

I am yours.

Fire, much fire is always welcomed both in my heart and my house - so long as nothing burns down in a bad way. Two candles for Hel and two for Loki, each with a pillar to last until the next sabbat and with a small taper to burn down through the night. Frankincense from Oman for Her, and clove for Him.

Three restored wing pieces from wrens were put on the offering plate, and a white candle started the ritual by lighting the others. I began with Hel, not chanting or saying anything I had previously written down, simply what came to my mind and heart to say. I can feel Her presence now, still as I type this, as I did when I spoke to Her. She accepted me as Hers, and now I will work hard to keep the title as one of her devotees. I fear disappointing Her, for She is a strong and powerful Goddess, who might ask more of me than I can give right now. But what I can, I will give, and I will do.

Loki came second, and flames seemed to be all around. The ribbon around my wrist was set on fire, though I didn't get hurt from it. Perhaps it was His way of saying I should have chosen to make cupcakes as offerings rather than apples. But He filled me with warmth on this cold night, tested my will and my mind and held me in His arms. He told me clearly that I cannnot ask of Him to do things for me, but rather to help me as I do them myself, which is exactly what I need to hear.

I feel much more confident in myself with Their approval and official acceptance of me, and I hope to do my best to please Them and work in Their favor. At the end of the ritual, a small card reading took place. What came out of it was a reward for a job well done, and the message that while I may falter and stray, if I really am with my heart in this path then all will be well in time.

I have also managed to talk to Loki more this night than ever before. His voice seems clearer to me now, and I'm learning to not be so tense about it being my own brain making it up and letting Him speak. When I relax in that way, it's actually easier to tell what is me and what is Him speaking. Hopefully with time I will improve at hearing not only Loki, but Hel and the other Gods.

In short, I have much to learn still, but this was a big step in my personal path and my relationship with my Gods, and now I realize I must have a higher level of commitment to Them. They have already helped me improve myself in many ways, I only hope I can be of good service to Them.

I am a student, I am Rökkatruar, and I am Lokean.